The (Belated) Real World: The Love Episode

Yes it was Love Week on The Real World: DC, that wondrous time when the housemates pair off in obviously flawed flings, some of which remain just that, flings, and others that will be painfully drawn out over the course of the season because neither party can get it through their thick heads that they are completely and utterly wrong for each other. There's something about living in a house and being televised that makes these people think they have to hook up with each other, but for God's sake, just because you live in a house together does not mean you have to bone. But alas, here we are, it's unavoidable.

The Pairs

• The Virgin and the Blonde One -- Kudos to the Blonde One for attaching herself to someone interesting and scraping out some screen time this week, even if all she had to do was look awkwardly around as The Boy Who Lies shoehorned his sexual intentions into every possible nook and cranny of conversation. The Virgin has drawn an unfortunate lot in life, as the boy who all girls will be friends with because he is spontaneous and goofy and "fun" but never want to be more than friends; the worst part of this lot in life being the apparent fact that he doesn't realize, after 20-odd years, that that is his lot in life. I can't imagine how many times he's laid it on too thick with a lady before The Blonde One, but it still doesn't register with him somehow. But the fact of the matter is, after a hopelessly romantic attempt to get her in the "back of the boat" (not a euphemism) during a glorious DC Independence Day fireworks show, this Love Week relationship fizzled out even before the end of the episode. The Virgin even managed to to throw his namesake into question as the first person to get minor action in the house hot tub before being viciously cockblocked by the various bitches he lives with. Poor Virgin, for staying a Virgin, and poor Blonde One, for ditching her ticket to ride and fading back into obscurity.
• The Bisexual Boy and The Episcopalian -- Ripe for failure, ripe for conflict, this one's charged both by sexual orientation and religious affiliation.¹ Also, Bisexual Boy has a not-boyfriend coming to visit soon, which will undoubtedly lead to even more rolling eyes and scoffing and possible cockblocking from the Pisco, who is fast turning out to be the most annoying kind of girl there is. You know the kind. Just look at her. Obnoxious.
• The Bisexual Girl and Inspector Instigator -- If the above pairing is ripe for failure, this one is already mid-fall from the branch. The only attraction between these two people is sexual, which brings up another bit of evidence of the beautiful, beautiful casting choices by MTV: Every relationship on this show has a giant looming Issue hanging over it, and this makes me very hopeful for this season, because there are going to be a lot (a LOT) of arguments over absolutely nothing, or perhaps nothing more than deep-seated character flaws, and those arguments we all know can't be solved--they just linger in the background like the creepy guy at the party that's missing a tooth and nobody really talks to but somehow shows up in all the pictures the next day. But anyway, BSG and the Inspector are perfectly wrong for each other, because The Black Guy loves to dive into relationships and get dirty, while BSG (despite her alternate moniker of Gullibles) doesn't believe the men-folk when they talk about the L-word,² as well as taking her rebellious streak³ to its logical conclusion and not listening to anything anyone tells her, ever (especially such logical commands as "Get into my bed" from Inspector Instigator⁴). Sadly, this is the one that is apparently going to be drawn out at least a little bit longer, so it's a matter of time before this one crashes and burns.
• The Oh Yeah, I Forgot About Thems -- The Girl Who Sings and Lenny Kravitz did little of note and were sadly excluded from Love Week.
  

So amidst all the doe-eyed gazing at each other, the housemates managed to go to a gay club, celebrate the 4th of July,⁵ and have a Guys' Night, but the burgeoning relationships were the driving force behind it all. Love Week is over, now all that's left is a series of Fight Weeks. Shit's about to go down.⁶

----
Addenda

1. Much like the entire cast, though this is slightly subtler, given that the BSB and the Pisco are both JIMHs, but the Pisco doesn't like the BSB kissing boys, possibly because of her upbringing? ↑


2. No not "lesbian," just good old "love." ↑


3. Remember, she was in an almost-Cult, which brings up an interesting question: Is The Bisexual Girl bisexual for all the wrong reasons? ↑


4. Who, by his own profession, likes to hear the word "no." Match made in reality TV heaven, no? ↑


5. Independence Day in DC means... Block parties! Party buses! Boats! Cupcake fights! ↑


6. And when I say about to go down, I mean, like, tonight. Yes, this is a week late, but I'll do my best to keep up with the Realies. I leave you with a quote from the BSG: "I was kind of surprised at how real everyone is." Welcome to The fucking Real World lady.